Witze zum Stichwort Make

Die passendsten Witze

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George W. Bush: "Condi! Nice to see you. ...

... What's happening?"

National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice: "Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China."

Bush: "Great. Lay it on me."

Rice: "Hu is the new leader of China."

Bush: "That's what I want to know."

Rice: "That's what I'm telling you."

Bush: "That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?"

Rice: "Yes."

Bush: "I mean the fellow's name."

Rice: "Hu."

Bush: "The guy in China."

Rice: "Hu."

Bush: "The new leader of China."

Rice: "Hu."

Bush: "The Chinaman!"

Rice: "Hu is leading China."

Bush: "Now whaddya asking me for?"

Rice: "I'm telling you Hu is leading China."

Bush: "Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?"

Rice: "That's the mans name."

Bush: "That's who's name?"

Rice: "Yes."

Bush: "Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?"

Rice: "Yes, sir."

Bush: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East."

Rice: "That's correct."

Bush: "Then who is in China?"

Rice: "Yes, sir."

Bush: "Yassir is in China?"

Rice: "No, sir."

Bush: "Then who is?"

Rice: "Yes, sir."

Bush: "Yassir?"

Rice: "No, sir."

Bush: "Look, Rice. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone."

Rice: "Kofi?"

Bush: "No, thanks."

Rice: "You want Kofi?"

Bush: "No."

Rice: "You don't want Kofi."

Bush: "No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N."

Rice: "Yes, sir."

Bush: "Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N."

Rice: "Kofi?"

Bush: "Milk! Will you please make the call?"

Rice: "And call who?"

Bush: "Who is the guy at the U.N?"

Rice: "Hu is the guy in China."

Bush: "Will you stay out of China?"

Rice: "Yes, sir."

Bush: "And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N."

Rice: "Kofi."

Bush: "All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone."

Rice (picks up the phone): "Rice, here."

Bush: "Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you send Chinese food in the Middle East?"

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Witz mailen, kommentieren etc. ... [12 Kommentare]

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Gestern war ich auf der A2 unterwegs: Links ...

... vor mir fuhr eine Frau einen brandneuen BMW mit über 130 km/h, ihr
Gesicht ganz nah am Spiegel, und pinselte ihre Augenlider.
Einen Moment sah ich weg; als ich wieder hinsah war sie schon halb in meiner
Spur, noch immer mit Make-up beschäftigt.
Obwohl ich ein echter Kerl bin, erschrak ich so, dass mir mein
Elektrorasierer aus der Hand flog, der mir mein Sandwich aus der anderen Hand
schlug. Beim Versuch, den Wagen mit den Knien wieder in die Spur zu bringen, fiel mir
das Handy vom Ohr direkt in den heissen Kaffee zwischen meinen Beinen.
Der schwappte heraus, verbrannte mir meine edelsten Teile, ruinierte mein
Handy und unterbrach ein wichtiges Gespräch.
Die Kippe im Mund konnte ich gerade noch festhalten!

Oh Mann, ich hasse Frauen am Steuer!!!

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Witz mailen, kommentieren etc. ... [13 Kommentare]

[Menschen & Tiere - Frauen]

Wie Frauen im Vergleich zu Männern Geld von ...

... der Bank abheben:

Männer:
1. Ankommen
2. Eintreten
3. Karte einstecken
4. Code eingeben
5. Karte und Geld entnehmen und gehen

Frauen:
1. Ankommen
2. Make-up im Rückspiegel kontrollieren
3. Motor aus
4. Schlüssel in die Handtasche stecken
5. Reingehen
6. Karte in der Handtasche suchen
7. Karte einstecken
8. In der Handtasche nach OB-Packung suchen, auf der der Code notiert ist
9. Code eingeben
10. Einige Minuten die Bedienungsanleitung studieren
11. "Abbruch" drücken
12. Code wieder eingeben
13. Kontostand prüfen
14. Briefumschlag in der Handtasche suchen
15. Stift in der Handtasche suchen
16. Kontostand auf dem Briefumschlag notieren
17. Bedienungsanleitung studieren
18. Geld ziehen
19. Ins Auto steigen
20. Make-up kontrollieren
21. Schlüssel suchen
22. Motor anlassen
23. Losfahren
24. Anhalten
25. Umkehren
26. Anhalten
27. Aussteigen
28. Karte aus dem Automaten nehmen
29. Einsteigen
30. Karte in die Brieftasche stecken
31. Quittung wegstecken
32. Geldentnahme notieren
33. In der Handtasche Platz für die Brieftasche machen
34. Make-up kontrollieren
35. Losfahren
36. Fünf Kilometer weit fahren
37. Handbremse lösen

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Witz mailen, kommentieren etc. ... [7 Kommentare]

[Sonstige - Witzige Texte]

Great God! I write you, because you must ...

... help me. I have seen your space shuttle in the television.
In colour. And so came me the idea to make holidays in the worldroom.
Without my crazy wife.

I am the Kraxlhuber. The King of Bavaria was my clock-clock-grandfather.
I stand on a very bad foot with my wife. Always she shouts with me.
She has a shrill voice like a circle saw. She lets no good hair on me. She says
I am a Schlapp-tail. She wants that I become Buergermaster. But I want not to be
Buergermaster. I have nothing at the hat with the political shit. I want my Ruah.
And so I want make holidays on then moon. Without my bad half. But I take my
dog with me. He is a boxer. His name is Wurstl.
So I want book a flight in your next Space Shuttle. But please give me not a window place.
I would kotz you the rocket full, because I am not swindle free. And no standing-place please.
And please do not tell my wife that I want go alone. She has a big Schrot-Gun. She would
make a sieve from my ass.
I need much comfort. A nice double room with bath and kloo and heating. And windows with look to the earth. So I can look through my far-glasses and see my wife working on the
potatoe field. And I and my dog louhg us a branch (haehaehae). We will kringel ourself laughing
(hoehoehoe) !
Is was loose on the moon? I need worm weather and I hope the sun shines every day.
This is very good fuer my frost-boils. I need not much. A good bread time, a good Haxn
and a Mass beer.
Have they chew-tobacco on the moon? If not, I bring it with. Is in the rocket place for my
drive wheel?
Tell the man of the moon that I come. I hope he has no wife. We can make outflights
with my drive wheel. We can make crater-wandering. I bring him the Bavarian national hymn
bei. We can make tobacco chewing. We can drink a lot of hopblossom-tea. I hope he is no
Preiss! We can spuck around the bed. We can make finger-hooking. I bring the Bavarian flag
with and we can dance shoeplattler around it.
Have they flies on the moon? If yes, I bring my weather-frog with. De will get fat like a otter.
I want make 5 weeks holidays. When you have a new rocket after 5 weeks, I wait for the next
rainbow and drive with my Radl.
Please make a good price - under good friends. I cannot pay so peppered prices, because my
pocket money is not so much; send your answer to my neighbour Wastl Hintermoser. I have the
honour.

Your Alois Kraxlhuber

P.S. Dont fly when is full-moon. My dog, this Pig-Bazi, becomes always epileptic and makes so
much noise.

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Witz mailen, kommentieren etc. ... [8 Kommentare]

[Sammelsurium - SMS-Sprüche]

Mother holds her little daugther 20 minutes ...

... under water, not to make her any troubles, just to see the funny bubbles!

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