Forum: Witze

Witze über Deutsche und Deutschland

Ich habe mal recherchiert, was aktuell für Witze im englischsprachigen Raum über die Deutschen/Deutschland erzählt werden. Hier mal eine kleine Auswahl, wenn ihr noch weitere kennt, immer her damit!

I just bought a fitted kitchen from that German company Küchenhaus.
Fuck me, you should see the size of the oven!

What age do German men consider a mid-life crisis?
39 to 45.

Hans turns up for his first day with the German Coast Guard. He's shown round the building, introduced to everyone, then taken to his new position as radio operator.
"Gut Mornink, Hans," says the old hand. "As you are ze new guy, I am off down ze bier keller. Just remember, all international radio traffic must be in ze English", and leaves.
Hans sits listening to the radio for a while, when he hears a call.
"Mayday, Mayday - help us, can anyone hear us?"
"Yar," says Hans. "Vot is Ze Problem?"
"Thank god," comes the voice. "We're on a yacht in the North Sea and we are sinking."
"Okay," says Hans. "Vot are you sinking about?"

I'm very proud of my Grandfather. He shot down two German planes. Admittedly that was in 1972 but you can never be too careful.

I had a German plumber round the other day to fix my shower.
He accidentally connected the gas supply to the water supply.
I guess old habits die hard.

Tim Kretschmer is still 5,999,984 points away from germany's high score.

Good news following the shootings in germany - there will be 16 free sunbeds this summer.

A German walks into a library and ask for a book on suicide.
The librarian says: "Aren’t you going to a school first?"

It's amazing just how paranoid Hitler was. In Nazi germany it was illegal to make jokes about Hitler or the Nazi regime.
Come on! Forbidding germans from making jokes? Isn't that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.

Did you hear about the twelve guys who were raping a german woman?
She screamed "Nein! nein!" three of them left.

If the French kill 3 germans and the germans kill 2 French, what's the score?
5 : 0 for England

An English guy sits in a bar on the Reeperbahn in Hamburg eyeing up a beautiful german bird.
After a few beers he plucks up the courage to speak to her.
"Do you speak English?"
"How much?"
"300 Euro."

A german right wing extremist was on TV earlier, explaining his views:
"To myself, and to many other germans, the holocaust is nothing but a great joke."
Well, this would explain why no-one else finds it funny.

What is the difference between a kind hearted german and the Loch Ness monster?
The Loch Ness monster has been sighted.

Günther Melzer
27.04.2009, 11:43 Uhr - Günther Melzer

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